Shinealight

Who’s the fairest of them all?  I’d say not bloody likely me, if my monitor was a mirror right now.

The scene in the mirror? Pink walls, Wet hair, Bleary eyes and a takeaway cup of tea perched between to pillows whilst I type.  Sound bad?  Well bizarrely though it isn’t.  I’m loving it.  Pink are the walls in the womens only hostel that is 200 metres from where I’m currently working.  Wet is the hair from swimming with the young water polo club that trains in the pool where I work.  Bleary eyes are from doing long but less work days, so that I have more home days every week.  And the tea? Well nothing better for the soul, apart from sex.  And with the pink walls, that aint on the menu!

So if life is good, what is there to reflect upon in that mirror?  Health – no that’s good, and when I respect my body by giving it good food and exercise in the right proportion my health is excellent.  Wealth – never enough money, but the first time to be earning entirely off my own back.  Happiness – I have balance in life, and a structure that can help me acheive my long term goals, fab kids and a husband who makes me laugh and gasp in equal measure.  So what am I missing.  A more detailed look at the picture in the mirror is required.

The eyes are the windows to the soul, somone famous once said, I wonder if sinkholes count as windows.  For dark circles lurk beneath (difficult to see in the dark as I write this under the gently breathing form of a fellow aussie on the bunk above) them.  And looking at the time, it is no surprise.  It is midnight at the time of writing this.  I started not long before.  I showered not long before that.  Ate dinner not long before that.  Went to the pool not long before that.  Finished work not long before that.  And it won’t be long before I’m up for work again –   less than six hours once I do another paragraph or two and switch everything off and check the alarm.

So a revision of health, wealth, happiness.  I have what I want in these departments, but do I have what I need?  In order to function best a human needs 7 hours sleep, give or take.  Any deficit in sleep can’t be recovered and probably shortens either life, or the time until the next bout of illness.  I regularly run in deficit.  I say I don’t need the sleep.  I know what I need and I can get by on less.  Two major assumptions there – one I know what I need (and by I I must mean my body, as that is what is dragging my consciousness around in it) and two that demands on my body will never be different to what they were when I decided that I could get by on less and I probably formed a habit to sleep less than most folk.  Thinking on it, I was proably 18 or so when I decided I could get by on less sleep.  Bloody hell, no wonder I feel so tired all the time, I’ve been basing my sleep on an 18 year old.  Of course I didn’t need it then – I could recuperate for days afterwards (actually every day was recuperation, what 18 year old gets out of bed at 6am most mornings after 5 or so hours sleep!), as an 18 year old with strong sleeping competency I had banked sleIep into that savings account so much that I was well in credit, never once really having stretched myself anywhere near low, let alone deficit.  My sleep was more tranquil.  I never woke up tired.  I didn’t really have go through that shock of wake up and go to work….which is more tiring than feeling tired some days….

Bloody hell – I’ve been basing my needs on being 18.  I’m 35 now, only 17 years to realise I’ve been following the wrong policy and procedure….

So maybe my other little assumption might need some observation.  I know what I need.  More succinctly put, I know what my body needs to cart me around in it and perform as I need.  I don’t even need to detail this one except to say – dark eyes, bloodshot eyes, more energy, less coffee, less food, better food, better sleep, better thinking, better stamina, better performance, more connections to others, less feeling of overwhelm….okay, time to look in the mirror.  What is it telling me?  Tired.  Sleep.  Night Night.